Fate : The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual
by Kansou Tenrin no Yoroi
Summary: Ever wondered what it would feel like to have your very own Fate/ character? Well, now you can! Read and find out!
1. KIRITSUGU

_ *AN0:_

_ Right then.. So I've been missing for about a few months now, due to school and what not. And I've been thinking that its been pretty unfair to you guys (the fans) that follow my stories to not even get updates on when I go missing. So to make it up to you, I've written not one, not two but **three **new Owners Guides and Maintenance Manuals._

_This is the first of the 3. I'll release the other two when I feel is appropriate._

_Enjoy._

_*AN1 : Hello, F/Z / F/SN fandom, I'm Kansou here, bringing you a story style that some of you might find familiar. Not much to say now, except 'I hope you enjoy the fic' and 'reviews are gold'. Oh, and 'EXCALIBAAAAAAAAA!' too._

_ *AN2:_

_ I'm using a story style you may have seen before. The original idea of the "Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual" Series belongs to Teresa Green. Credit for the format goes to her._

_ *AN3_

_ Before I start, I'm going to drop a warning here. There MIGHT be spoilers. So, don't read if you don't wanna risk it. Anyways, enough from me. _

_Presenting..._

* * *

_**KIRITSUGU : The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual!**_

* * *

_ Congratulations_! You are now the proud owner of a fully-automated KIRITSUGU EMIYA. To ensure that you get the best out of your KIRITSUGU, please read carefully the following instructions :

* * *

**Basic Information :**

* * *

Name : KIRITSUGU EMIYA (A.K.A. Kerry, The Magus Killer, Ojisan, Master)

Date of Manufacture : 11/11/?

Place of Manufacture : Alimango Island

Genetic Type : Human/Magus

Height : 175cm

Weight : 67kg

* * *

**Your KIRITSUGU unit will come with the following accessories :**

* * *

One (1) Walther WA2000 sniper rifle

One (1) Calico M950 submachine gun

One (1) Thompson Contender

Sixty-six (66) Origin Bullets

Three (3) Command Seals

*Hand Grenades, Stun Grenades, Smoke Grenades, C2 explosives and Claymores sold separately

**SABER (ARTHURIA PENDRAGON) unit also sold seperately.

* * *

**Programming :**

* * *

The KIRITSUGU unit is cold, cruel and scarily efficient. Killing and destruction are his specialties (and god damn, he's good), so he has in him a few 'extreme' programs.

**- ASSASSIN **: The KIRITSUGU unit is highly specialized in this role. Trained by the infamous Natalia Kaminski herself, no target can elude him. If you have a person you really dislike, or just want to kill that annoying neighbour that never seems to stop playing loud music in the middle of the night, your KIRITSUGU unit has got you covered.

Don't worry, your KIRITSUGU unit is more than capable of covering his own tracks.

**- BODYGUARD** : As with most of our other units, the KIRITSUGU unit is also capable of being a (though highly unorthodox) bodyguard. Stealth is your KIRITSUGU unit's game. He'll follow you around without you even knowing it and if anyone tries to lay a finger on you, we bet our factories that that same finger will be shot off and its owner killed before you even turn around.

**- TERRORIST**: As mentioned above, this is one of your KIRITSUGU unit's more 'extreme' programs. Highly armed and highly dangerous, your KIRITSUGU is basically destruction taken form. From creating minor disturbances to full out bombing a hotel and shooting down a plane, your KIRITSUGU unit will stop at nothing to accomplish his goal once given the order.*

*A word of caution here : We here at Omfgcanaanissocute Industries are in no way responsible for any acts of terrorism you and your KIRITSUGU unit commit. Hence, whatever punishment the relevant authorities decide to mete out is fully yours to bear.

**- FATHER** : Yes, you heard right. The scientists at Omfgcanaanissocute Industries have once again made a major breakthrough in neurotic and robotic science. Using the latest of technologies, we are able to program the KIRITSUGU unit to be under the impression that he (*chuckles*), is your father.

Though being his 'child' does not grant you any special privilege, the KIRITSUGU unit will care deeply for yo-. Actually, scratch that. He'd kill you to save the world*. But hey, at least you can play walnut-hunting in a snowy forest with him, so it can't be all that bad.

*Warning : We are not joking. If killing you meant doing the world a good turn, he'd pull the trigger on you within moments. Sure he'll be emotionally affected afterwards, but we guarantee that he'll have no problems shooting you in the head.

* * *

**Your KIRITSUGU EMIYA has (3) different settings :**

* * *

**- Silent/Distant (Default setting)**

**- Drunk**

**- Master (Locked)**

The default setting for your KIRITSUGU is set to **Silent/Distant**.

In this setting, the unit will tend to ignore you and go about his own business. Thinking and planning, your KIRITSUGU unit will concentrate his efforts on his goals. That is, unless you tell him otherwise.

The **Drunk** setting is your KIRITSUGU unit's 'fun' mode. By screwing around with your unit's common sense parameters, we're able to remove his usual stoic demeanor and give it a complete 180.

The list of things your KIRITSUGU unit will do in this setting is currently being compiled*. Our scientists have found a few interesting ones, however.

For example :

_- Ever wanted to see the world in slow motion? Or you just want those boring days to go by quicker? Well, you're in luck, because the KIRITSUGU unit specializes in Time Altering magic! Completely ignoring how stupid and unethical the idea is, your KIRITSUGU unit will cast a bounded field on you, affecting your perception of time and even allowing you to move twice/thrice as fast as you usually can!*_

_- Feeling miserable? Need some company or a friend to talk to? Well, the KIRITSUGU's too drunk to do that, but what he will do is let you in on his collection of guns, cigarettes, alcohol and MAIYA unit pictures (nudes not included)! Its the ultimate 40-year-old-drunk-old-geezer experience!_

*Feel free to send us your fun experiences with Drunk Kiritsugu. If we find your idea amusing enough, we'll compile it and send you an ARCHER (EMIYA) unit as a reward!

**Blood loss and severe damage of capillaries guaranteed

The** Master** setting is only activated when your KIRITSUGU unit successfully summons a servant (Saber) to assist him in the 4th Holy Grail War. A few things to note when your unit is in this setting

- Your unit will focus all his effort into winning the war. So he may deviate from your instructions.

- He runs the risk of being killed in this war.

- If you try to stop him, he will kill you.

Have fun!

* * *

**Relations with other units**

* * *

Your KIRITSUGU unit has many relations with other units. As the narrator of this story is too lazy to list them all out, the more important ones will be listed instead.

**IRISVIEL VON EINSBERN :** The KIRITSUGU unit's loving wife. These two units are highly compatible with each other with the IRISVIEL unit willing to even give up her life if doing so would help achieve the KIRITSUGU unit's goals*. Interaction between the two is encouraged

*Needless to say, once or if the IRISVIEL unit dies, your KIRITSUGU unit will be broken mentally. If you were the cause of her death, prepare to witness pain beyond your wildest imagination. (I'd hide that box of 66 bullets if I were you.)

**SABER (ARTHURIA PENDRAGON)** : The KIRITSUGU unit's Servant. The two have a 'work-only' relationship and do not get along at all. Their detest for each other is mutual and will under no circumstances, cooperate with the if it weren't for their own goals.

*If you're annoyed that they're always at odds with each other, or you just ship SaberxKiritsugu, our scientists are at your service. For a small fee of $100,000,000 we can reprogram your KIRITSUGU unit to be amiable or even flirtatious towards the SABER unit.

**KOTOMINE KIREI** : Do not let these two units meet at all costs. Not only will they try to destroy each other, their fight will bring about the world's destruction should KOTOMINE win and obtains the grail.

So if you value your life or your world, don't let these two meet.

* * *

**Cleaning :**

* * *

The KIRITSUGU unit is capable of cleaning himself. Do not attempt to clean him without his consent as you'll be killed. Mercilessly. If in any event your unit is incapable of cleaning himself, do not machine-wash your unit. Towel-dry only.

* * *

**Energy :**

* * *

Your KIRITSUGU unit is always busy and without time to eat proper food (he stuffs himself with burgers), thus needs as much nourishment as possible. Letting him smoke too much affects his health as well, so keep that in check.

* * *

**Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)**

* * *

Q: My KIRITSUGU EMIYA got caught by the cops! What do I do!?

A: That should be impossible. But we at Omfgcanaanissocute Industries are always prepared for unexpected situations. Get yourself a IRISVIEL VON EINSBERN unit and use her money/status to bail your KIRITSUGU unit out.

Q: My KIRITSUGU unit is going on non-stop about the value of life! Wasn't he supposed to be a killer? I want a refund!

A: There'll come a point in time where your KIRITSUGU unit will realize the wrong of his ways and accept it. There's nothing you can do about it, your unit is a changed man.

No refunds.

Q : NOOOO! My KIRITSUGU unit just met a KOTOMINE KIREI unit and now both units are killing each other!

A: You know.. we give our warnings for a reason. Anyways, if you want to stop the fight, get a TOKIOMI TOHSAKA unit to intervene in the fight. Either all 3 of them will end up retreating or all 3 of them will die. Don't you just love gambles?

Q : I.. I can't take this anymore.. My KIRITSUGU unit's acts of murder are too much for me. I want to put him down. How do I do that?

A : If you are absolutely sure you want to put down such a sexy, mature unit, we have the way.

Get a NATALIA KAMINSKI unit and order her to finish the KIRITSUGU unit off. Although she'll sustain minor injuries, the mentor will always beat student and your KIRITSUGU unit will be terminated within minutes.

* * *

**TROUBLESHOOTING :**

* * *

Problem : Your KIRITSUGU unit is reminiscing about the past and now keeps muttering : "Shirley, Shirley, Shirley" over and over again and you're getting annoyed.

Solution : Well, what better way to snap him out of it but just getting him Shirley then? *

SHIRLEY units now available on our online catalogue at a discounted price of just $423,092,145!

*As you might have already guessed, if the Shirley unit dies your KIRITSUGU unit will break and then people will start dying, so do take caution.

* * *

With proper care and maintenance, your KIRITSUGU unit will lead a not-so-long and not-so-happy life. But hey, he's a hero and heroes always pull through.

* * *

Okay.. So after writing this one out, I realize I've been a bit repetitive in my stories. That and I love terrorist-esque characters. Wonder if I can improve on that.

Drop me a review and let me know which areas I can improve in guys! :3

Til next time,

Kansou signing out


	2. SABER

_ *AN1:_

_ So, January is finally coming to an end.. to celebrate, here's another Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manuals I promised. To those that have requested certain characters, I apologize as like I have mentioned in my previous fics, these were written all at once._

_This is the second of the three. I'll release the last one soon._

_Enjoy._

_ *AN2:_

_ I'm using a story style you may have seen before. The original idea of the "Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual" Series belongs to Teresa Green. Credit for the format goes to her._

_ *AN3_

_ Before I start, I'm going to drop a warning here. There MIGHT be spoilers. So, don't read if you don't wanna risk it. Anyways, enough from me. _

_Presenting..._

* * *

_**SABER : The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual!**_

* * *

_ Congratulations_! You are now the proud owner of a fully-automated SABER (ARTURIA PENDRAGON). To ensure that you get the best out of your SABER unit, please read carefully the following instructions :

* * *

**Basic Information :**

* * *

Name : Saber (A.K.A. Seiba, Arturia Pendragon, King of Knights)

Date of Manufacture : Unknown

Place of Manufacture : Cornwall, England

Genetic Type : Human/Servant

Height : 154cm

Weight : 42/52 kg

* * *

**Your SABER unit will come with the following accessories :**

* * *

One (1) Sword of Promised Victory : Excalibur

One (1) Avalon : The Distant Utopia

One (1) Golden Sword of Promised Victory : Caliburn

*Knights of The Round Table and Britain sold seperately

**Cosplay outfits such as school uniforms and waitress outfits can be purchased on our online catalogue

* * *

**Programming :**

* * *

The SABER unit is a chivalrous, strong-willed young woman. This is due to her once being King in her mortal life. The SABER unit insists that she is a warrior before she is a woman and is stubborn to the point where she'd argue with you should you bring up the topic. However because of this, the SABER unit is also fiercely loyal and would risk her life for your safety.

**KNIGHT **: The SABER unit dedicated her whole existence to this role. Courageous, strong and gentlemanly is your SABER unit in this setting. Treating all with respect, even her enemies, your Saber unit gives off the impression of a Knight, pure and true.

Oh and she kicks ass with a sword now.

**BODYGUARD**: In this setting, your SABER unit will miraculously don a dark suit, like those a typical bodyguard wears. (Yes, its on us.) Count on your SABER unit to watch over you at all times. And we mean all times. Hell, the lady doesn't even need to sleep. Anyone that attempts to harm you will be swiftly defeated.

**CUTE GIRL**: Admit it, at some point in time we all wondered what Saber could be like if she was just a little more girly. We at Omfgcanaanissocute Industries are proud to announce that only have we managed to do just that, we pushed it to the outright max.

Watch, as your unit shows her girly side to you. Hugging soft toys, asking to hold hands and cuddling. She tears up easily and cries when you tease her! She'll be the cutest thing you've ever seen!

*Do note that your unit has a breaking point. Bully her too much and you're gonna end up like poor Gilgamesh. That's right, disintegrated in a beam of light.**  
**

**SADIST : **You heard right. Our scientists have managed to completely reverse your SABER unit's heroic, rightful demeanor, turning her into a being that exists solely to bring pain upon others.

Our scientists have discovered (to their great horror) that your unit particularly enjoys whipping. Your unit can whip people (our scientists) to the extent where they actually wanted to be thrown in a locked room with a ZERO CASTER unit when given the choice.

Then, you ask : "Why the heck would I even want to engage this setting? I'm only gonna get myself killed!" and our answer is : "Why wouldn't you!?"

Imagine this :

_"Its Sunday night and you have a test tomorrow. You know you're pretty screwed cause you didn't study and instead, were playing Fate/Stay Night throughout the whole weekend. You begin to panic and begin to mentally chide yourself for being such a fool. But what's this? A setting in the SABER unit you just spent your life's savings on has the ability to torture your teacher into letting you score an A?* You're saved!"_

*A warning here : We at Omfgcanaanissocute Industries are in no way responsible for any acts of human torture that you may commit. Therefore, charges by relevant authorities will be shouldered by the owner of the unit.

* * *

**Your SABER has (3) different settings :**

* * *

**- Chivalrous/Kingly (Default setting)**

**- Nero**

**- Alter (Locked)**

* * *

The default setting for your SABER unit is set to **Chivalrous/Kingly.**

In this mode, your unit exudes an aura of radiance and greatness. Watch, as people on the streets turn their heads to admire the magnificence that is your unit. Reminding one of a fresh, spring breeze, the SABER unit will earn the sighs of all that she passes.

Aside from making people feel good, this mode is rather plain, so moving on..

* * *

The **Nero** setting is your SABER unit's 'fun' mode. In this mode, your unit will miraculously don red attire (Again on us) and begin her nonsense. Though extremely haughty (she expects you to thank her for letting you be in her presence) , your unit in this mode has an unquenchable passion for all things beautiful. This means a few things*.

- First of all, regardless of gender, if your unit finds someone she considers to be 'beautiful', she'll set her hands on the person, leading to a whole lot of awkward situations.**

- Secondly, your unit in this mode was once an empress, so like an empress, she will want to rule. Disregarding society, she'll punish all that defy her will and reward those who consent. Leave her like this for too long and we assure you that she will take over your country and possibly lead it to ruin eventually. (not that its a bad thing)

* * *

*Share with us the fun things you and your **Nero'd **Saber unit do and stand a chance to win a free, ZERO LANCER unit worth $599,999,999!

**Apparently, none of our scientists were considered 'beautiful' by Nero, therefore this is based on an assumption. However, if she does create awkward situations, send us a video and you might stand a chance to win a ZERO LANCER unit as well.

* * *

**Alter** is only activated when your SABER unit is left alone with a DARK SAKURA MATOU unit for too long.* In this mode, your SABER unit is corrupted by a strong curse, causing her to lose most of her sanity and will now recognize the SAKURA unit as her master. She will also don a black armor (Of course, sponsored by us. God, we're so kind.) and begin a rampage of destruction.**

*You know, we lock these things for a reason. Our company seriously does not endorse the use of this mode. There are almost no positive aspects about this form aside from the fact that your unit now looks more badass.

** Of course, since you're the first person she is likely to see aside from the SAKURA unit, you'll be the first one to die. So, if you've activated this mode and still intend to live, you better start running.

Have fun!

* * *

**Relations with other units**

* * *

Your SABER unit has many relations with other units. As the narrator of this story is too lazy to list them all out, the more important ones will be listed instead.

**SHIROU EMIYA :** The SABER unit's previous master (we've wiped her memories of that) and apparent student in swordplay. The two units get along rather well and interaction between the both of them is encouraged.

Of course, any attempt to harm this unit will be met with violent opposition. And by violent, we mean cut-you-up-like-a-ragdoll kind of violence.

Oh and its not because she loves him or anything. Rather, because your unit instinctively knows that she won't be able to enjoy his good cooking if he gets incapacitated.

**KIRITSUGU EMIYA**: Another of the SABER unit's previous Masters (we wiped this too). However, as their personalities clashed in the first place, both units still have bad compatibility with each other. Leaving them alone will almost always lead to the SABER unit becoming so disgusted

by the KIRITSUGU unit that she kills him.

So unless you're too rich and have an extra $7,999,999 to spare, we suggest not letting them anywhere near each other.

**TOHSAKA RIN** : Your SABER unit's relationships with this one are rather ambiguous. Your unit shows respect towards the RIN unit for her proficiency in magecraft and yet at the same time remembers a certain event that happened while she was low on prana. Due to this, interactions with this unit might cause your SABER unit to fluster and blush.

* * *

**Cleaning :**

* * *

Your SABER unit is a king and as such, will not tolerate any sort of indecent acts like you trying to bathe her. Do not attempt to clean her without her consent, as you'll be swiftly beaten to the ground. If in any event your unit is incapable of cleaning herself, do not machine-wash your unit. Towel-dry only.

* * *

**Energy :**

* * *

Although your SABER unit has a small structure, do not be deceived as she actually has a humongous appetite. She has no particular preference for food, enjoying both Western and Eastern foods. If you're having problems keeping up with her appetite, get yourself an EMIYA SHIROU unit and he'll do the cooking for you.

* * *

**Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)**

* * *

Q: My SABER unit has just been injured! The wound looks pretty serious, will she die!?

A: Calm down. Your SABER unit should have been packaged with an Avalon : The Distant Utopia which will heal her wounds in no time. Unless of course.. you misplaced it like your unit did. In that case, we suggest getting yourself a BERSERKER unit, he's more hardy.

Q: My SABER unit's charisma is just too damn high. She's gathering the attention of many other onlookers and frankly, its getting really annoying.

A: Simple problems are solved with simple methods. All you need to do is grab a marker and let loose on her face! Though we can not guarantee your safety should you choose to heed our advice and actually do that.

Q : Umm.. My SABER unit just ran into this fool wearing golden armor and he's kinda pissing her off, rambling about how she belongs to him and what not.

A: It would seem that you have encountered a GILGAMESH unit. This is quite the tricky problem, for anything short of a direct blow from Excalibur will kill him. However, if you must know, you can stop him by getting yourself a TOHSAKA TOKIOMI unit and using his command seals to order the GILGAMESH unit to commit suicide. Or just stop harassing the SABER unit, if you're feeling kind.

* * *

**TROUBLESHOOTING :**

* * *

Problem : Your SABER unit has synchronized with you to the point where you're seeing each other's dreams, including the dirty ones you have about her on some nights. Now, she's charging at you with Excalibur and you fear you might not live.

Solution : Ah, you probably should've kept those under control. In any case, you may attempt to stop the rampaging SABER unit by presenting her with food. If that doesn't work, forcibly stop her by buying Command Seals on our online catalogue! Now at a discounted price of only $89,999,999!

With proper care and maintenance, your SABER unit will live forever, until she wins the Holy Grail War or destroys said Grail. As long as you keep her batteries charged, she can be passed down to your children or even grandchildren for them to play with! (Assuming you have any.)

* * *

Well, I should've expected this but.. Saber's pretty difficult to poke fun at. For me anyways.

In any case, the fic's done and I do sincerely hope you guys enjoyed it, even if just a little.

Oh yeah, about the scene with Rin and Saber, if you don't know it, I'd suggest you go read the Visual Novel. Its far superior to the anime.

Unless of course, you're below 18 and in that case, forget I ever mentioned this.

As always, reviews are appreciated so do drop one if you have the time.

Til next time,

Kansou signing out


	3. RIN

_ *AN1:_

_ Last one! Released this to celebrate the start of February. Oh yeah, don't expect any more Owner's Guides and Maintenance Manuals for Fate in the coming weeks. Gotta work on other stuff. :3 But anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this one and maybe get a few giggles here and there._

_Enjoy._

_ *AN2:_

_ I'm using a story style you may have seen before. The original idea of the "Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual" Series belongs to Teresa Green. Credit for the format goes to her._

_ *AN3_

_ Before I start, I'm going to drop a warning here. There MIGHT be spoilers. So, don't read if you don't wanna risk it. Anyways, enough from me. _

_Presenting..._

* * *

_**RIN : The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual!**_

* * *

_ Congratulations_! You are now the proud owner of a fully-automated RIN TOHSAKA. To ensure that you get the best out of your RIN unit, please read carefully the following instructions :

* * *

**Basic Information :**

* * *

Name : Tohsaka Rin (A.K.A. Master, Tohsaka-san)

Date of Manufacture : 04/02/?

Place of Manufacture : Fuyuki City, Japan

Genetic Type : Human/Master

Height : 159cm

Weight : 47 kg

* * *

**Your RIN unit will come with the following accessories :**

* * *

One (1) Jeweled Sword - Zelretch

One (1) Homurahara Academy Uniform

Twenty (20) Prana-infused jewels

Two (2) Black Ribbons

Three (3) Command Seals

*ARCHER (EMIYA) unit sold separately

* * *

**Programming :**

* * *

The RIN unit is a perceptive, bright and studious person, a model student.

On the outside, that is. Privately though, the RIN unit is a grumpy, bossy and strong-willed young lady. She has violent tendencies (though nothing too serious) and is the type that would blackmail you if doing so helps achieve her goals.

Oh yeah, she's a Tsundere too.

Your RIN unit comes installed with the following programs :

**MAGUS **: Your RIN unit has been raised all her life as a practitioner of the art. Trained by her father, whom she regarded as a great magus, when young as well as having an in-born aptitude for Magecraft, your RIN unit is highly-skilled as a magus..

Needless to say, mocking her craft will earn you third degree burns all over your body. (Which she will heal later. Did we mention she was a Tsundere?)

**MENTOR** : A modified version of the MAGUS program. This means free Magecraft lessons for those of you interested, though you might have to get used to your RIN unit's occasional painful 'methods' of getting her points across.

Still, you RIN unit is an excellent mentor, so long as you aren't completely magecraft-retarded like a certain orange-haired Master whose name sounds like 'Hero'.

**HONOR STUDENT** : Your unit's outside persona which we have added for entertainment purposes. A huge contrast to your unit's attitude in private. She is more mellowed out in this program and speaks with the air of a dignified lady.

Not only will she help you in your studies if you ask, you'll also realize that she is well-read in a variety of topics. So if you want a conversation partner, you know where to look.**  
**

**CARNIVAL RIN : **Your unit as depicted in 'Carnival Phantasm'. When set to this program, your unit will become a cash-obsessed, ends-justify-the-means, technologically-impaired joke of a mercenary.

Countless laughs are abound as your RIN unit goes around entering Game Shows (and cheating in them), Grand Prix (and cheating in them), Holy Grail Wars (and of course, cheating in them).

For added fun, get yourself an ARCHER (EMIYA) unit, now available at a discounted price of $39,999,999, and watch as your units go around sabotaging race cars, destroying public property and robbing banks, all while battling the evils of modern day technology!. Yes that's right, in this program your RIN unit is a walking load of illegal fun*!

*As always, we here at Omfgcanaanissocute Industries will bear no responsibilities concerning the use of our products. All illegal activities you do with your units and the consequences that come with them are fully yours to bear.

* * *

**Your RIN TOHSAKA unit has (3) different settings :**

* * *

**- Tsundere (Default setting)**

**- Loli**

**- Kaleido Ruby (Locked)**

* * *

The default setting for your RIN unit is set to **Tsundere.**

There isn't anything much to say here if you already know the meaning of the word, which this manual assumes you does. Highlights in this mode include the likes of :

1) Cooking!

Yes you heard right, your RIN unit can cook and is pretty good at it actually. Though initially reluctant, after enough persuasion, money and jewels work well, your RIN unit will warm up (like all Tsunderes do) and cook for you. You might have to bear a few 'Baka!'s here and there, maybe even the notorious 'I just cooked too much for myself, its not like I care about you or anything!'s from time to time. But hey, its all part of the Tsundere experience!

2) Sleeping Companion!

Before you people get funny ideas, especially the guys, we're gonna make it clear right now. No, she will not do any sort of funny business with you in bed aside from sleeping*. Well unless of course you resemble a certain magecraft-impaired male whose name sounds like "Chiro" or a certain gluttonous, female once King of Britain now turned Servant, your chances are basically zero.

*We take that back. According to our scientists, she **does** get into some funny business.

That is, gambling, of course. A word of caution here, the RIN unit cheats 9 out of 10 times, so unless you have too much money on hand (or are a better cheater than her, which we doubt), we suggest not walking that path.

* * *

Once again, the scientists at Omfgcanaanissocute Industries have made a breakthrough in the world of biological science. Using our state-of-the-art technologies, we're able to transform your RIN unit to what she was like when she was in Fate/Zero, a **Loli***!

In this mode, your RIN unit will be cutest thing you've ever seen. Though petite and just 10 years old, the RIN unit will chide you or anyone really, should they have any misconception of magecraft. She'll get all excited when you give her flowers and is really close to **Loli** mode SAKURA MATOU units.

Oh, and did we mention the fact that she'd still be a Tsundere?

Now you'd probably be like :

"_What!? A ten-year-old tsundere Rin Tohsaka!? That's.. that's.. too cute, I can't breathe, my head feels light. I think I'm gonna pass out_."

and we completely understand! (half our scientists crumpled on the spot)

So order now to avoid disappointment. The RIN TOHSAKA unit, now available at all local department stores**.

*Any form of pedophilia performed on the RIN unit will result in said unit self-destructing, with the resulting explosion being powerful enough to kill pedophile in question.

You should've seen it coming you sick bastards.

**Now available at $133,333,337

* * *

**Kaleido Ruby** is only activated when a Kaleidostick, which can be bought from our online catalogue, is given to the RIN unit. In this mode, your unit literally transforms into a Magical Girl. And no, we're not kidding, she really does become a Magical Girl with all the girly outfits and magic powers and what not.

Awkward but funny situations are abound as your RUBY unit goes around town, helping those in need while dressed like someone who just arrived from a cosplay competition. Your RIN unit is also capable of firing laser beams in this mode. Isn't that awesome?*

*All damages to property caused by this will be covered by the owner.

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**Relations with other units**

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Your RIN unit has many relations with other units. As the narrator of this story is too lazy to list them all out, the more important ones will be listed instead.

**ARCHER (EMIYA) :** The RIN unit's Servant. These two units have a mostly work-only relationship but still get along rather well as friends. The ARCHER unit is responsible for his Master's safety, though he rather enjoys teasing her. So any form of harassment to the RIN unit, unless very serious, will earn a chuckle or two from him. If not, prepare to lose your head. Or explode. Or be pierced by a hundred different swords. Or.. you get the idea.

**SAKURA MATOU**: The RIN unit's biological sister. Although separated at a young age, your RIN unit genuinely cares for the SAKURA unit just like a regular older sister does. Continued interaction between these two units is highly encouraged* mainly because they just make you go all "d'awww".

An exception to this would be if your SAKURA MATOU unit has engaged her 'dark' mode. In which case, we would suggest getting your unit, or anyone actually, as far away from the SAKURA unit as possible. Otherwise, prepare for swift death to be dealt out.

**KOTOMINE KIREI** : This unit and yours have absolutely no compatibility and we advise you to keep your unit away from the KIREI unit if you want her to live. Not only is this unit the killer of the RIN unit's father, he is also a serial killer who wishes for the destruction of the world, all while preaching about the teachings of God. Yeah we know, hypocritical right?

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**Cleaning :**

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Your RIN unit is fully capable of cleaning herself. So unless she allows you to, or if she's in loli mode and needs assistance doing so, avoid trying to bathe her lest you want to be her kenpo training dummy. If in any event your unit is incapable of cleaning herself, do not machine-wash your unit. Towel-dry only.

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**Energy :**

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Your RIN unit is a growing young lady, so will therefore need the sufficient nourishment. As for preferred dishes/meals, anything from a EMIYA SHIROU/SAKURA MATOU unit will be enough to satisfy her.

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**Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)**

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Q: My RIN unit just kicked me out of my own house! What in the world is she doing!?

A: Aha! It looks like your RIN unit has decided to participate in the Holy Grail War and is now using your home as her base of operations. Be proud, for your humble abode is now being used for a greater purpose! One that might change the fate of the world!

Q: Alright, where the hell do I stay then?

A: Normally, we'd say the Fuyuki City Church, as that's the safest place for anybody who comes into contact with a Master to go. However, seeing as how there's an insane KOTOMINE KIREI unit residing there, we suggest staying at a cheap motel or something for the time being.

Q : I let my RIN unit participate in the War, but now I find her all bloody and injured at my doorstep! What should I do!?

A: It appears that your RIN unit has been stabbed by a KOTOMINE KIREI unit. And we **specifically** told you not to let them near each other. Ah well, your unit's not gonna die, so calling for an ambulance would probably do the trick. Or if you have a unit that is capable of performing healing magecraft with you, you could get them to patch your unit up.

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**TROUBLESHOOTING :**

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Problem : Your RIN unit has transformed into Kaleido Ruby and is now busy saving the world. You're annoyed because you want to spend more time with the unit.

Solution : As with all our other units, we lock some modes for a reason. Nothing can be done save for snatching the wand she's holding from her, which will transform her back immediately.

Good luck with that though, because remember, she can fire lasers.

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With proper care and maintenance, your RIN unit will live a life mainly spent on studying magecraft and finding ways to make quick money. Nonetheless, she'll probably live longer than you (she's been through quite a few life-threatening situations already).

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Hehe, Rin's just too easy to poke fun at. She was the easiest AND the most entertaining to write out of the three. A perfect combination for a lazy slacker like me. In any case, I've enjoyed myself immensely writing this and I hope you've enjoyed reading my work . The Fate/ fandom is pretty neat.

As always, reviews are appreciated so do drop one if you have the time.

Til next time,

Kansou signing out


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